The Perfect 10

Hello, my Galactic Companions! How are we all on this roller-coaster of fun and laughs called life that will oh-so soon be over for us?
Recently, The Big Guy up here and I had a discussion about how His believers, the Jewish, the Christians, and the Muslims, have strayed from the original basic tenants of the Ten Commandments. He explained them quite plainly to Moses upon Mount Sinai, who in turn conveyed them to the Hebrews. Over the centuries since they have been interpreted and translated many times over, and although the basic essence is still there, a lot of the meanings have been warped to suit a religious or political leader's goals. And so, it is now been suggested that I, as the Center of the Universe, remind and clearify the Ten Commandments of His Holyness for His Creation.
Before I start, I had better clarify that I am in no way preaching to any of you. I do not regularly attend any church of any denomination any more. I have read a lot about many of the world's religions, and the basic similarities and differences of them. I have talked with many followers of each of God's Big Four, and know enough to be able to do this favor for Him. I have read much of the Bible, some of the Qur'An, and done a little research into the Dead Seas Scrolls, so maybe I am the best suited for this job after all. So let's get started with a retelling of the 10.

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS (according to the Encyclopedia Universalis)
I : Thou shall have no other gods before me.
II : Thou shall not make unto thee any graven images, for I am a jealous God.
III : Thou shall not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.
IV : Remember the sabbath day and keep it holy.
V : Honor thy Father and thy Mother.
VI : Thou shall not kill.
VII : Thou shall not commit adultery.
VIII : Thou shall not steal.
IX : Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
X : Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's property.

Now, for many around the world who follow these tenants of humanity, they are self-explanitory. For others, however, I am going to have to explain a few things. For one, there are no commandments that read "Thou shall not cuss", or "Thou shall not lie". Lying, in unto itself, is not a sin, unless it is in a court of law to convict another of a crime he is innocent of. That is the true meaning of the Ninth Commandment, my friends. Language, and words individually, have many meanings the world over and God could care less how they offend one year and not the next.
The Tenth Commandment deals with property, not wives, as many believe. This is often mixed up with the Seventh Commandment dealing with adultery. Adultery is a sin if one or the other, or both, party is married. If neither, than this Commandment does not purtain.
Next, let us look at the Sixth Commandment. In ancient times, to kill then was to murder now, without reason. To kill for property, for lust, for money, for joy, for no reason what-so-ever, what we now call murder, that is what God forbid. To kill for justice, for self-defence, for public- defence, is not, nor was not, considered murder, and not forbidden by God, thus not forbidden by the Ten Commandments.
The Third Commandment deals with the use of the name of God being used in an irreverent, or lack of respect, manner.
The Second Commandment, concerning graven images, reminds us that no Cross, Star of David, Madonna, or Holy Book can hold the power of true belief in Him. These items remind us of Him, but we should not need them to worship Him. If you do, you have problems with your beliefs. If you have to go to a church, a temple, or a synagog to pray or feel close to God, you are not close to God.
And the First Commandment, the most important, has become the most devisive. For as the Jews, the Christians, the Catholics, and the Muslims all believe in God, they worship someone else. The Jews follow the teachings of Moses. The Christians, the teachings of Jesus. The Catholics, the teachings of the Popes. The Muslims, the teachings of Muhammed. As a result of this very basic breaking of the very first Commandment, wars have been fought, and millions have died, over the centuries in God's name. It is too bad God does not have a say in this matter, since nobody seems to be listening, eh? Maybe it's time for all the leaders of all of God's religions to get together once and for all and put together a single book, a single, truly Holy Bible of God, with every book of scripture, every word every put to paper, with room for expansion as more are discovered throughout the Holy Lands. Maybe then, and only then, will this Earth know true Peace under this God.
Can we do it? Yes we can! God the Creator says so!
So does the Center of the Universe! Farewell!

Nose-Pickers Unite!

Salutations, my Cosmic Comrades! I trust all is well with you throughout our lovely and exciting Universe this beautiful day. This dialog concerns a little problem that we all once again face. As before with the flatulence issue, all of us have an issue at the other end of our feeble bodies that require attention every day. I am talking of no less an embarrassment as the BOOGER! Yes, my dear Galactic souls, that nauseating nuisance that often requires manual removal. That thing that so many school yard jokes are made. That undesired visitor that pops out when least wanted, at the most inconvenient time, to deliver the maximum embarrassment to the face from which it hangs.
Before I continue, let us first get to the scientific nature of said booger. For this, I turn to the ever handy encyclopedia Universalis, ever ready at my right hand here at the great recliner at the Center of the Universe. It tells us that boogers (in humans) consist of mucus. Mucus is the thin, sticky, slimy stuff up in your sinus cavities that traps dirt, dust, germs, and pollen that is breathed in through the nose. Your sinuses make about a cupful of mucus every 24 hours, the majority of which is drained through the back of the throat. This mucus traps the foreign particles and with the help of the tiny cilia hairs within the nose cavity, move the gathered debrie out. A large clump of this is, of course, a booger.
Now, let us continue to examine the daily suffering this necessity of life causes, shall we? Although we all do it, some of us are more discrete than others. We have all seen those who drive along, oblivious to the fact that automobiles are full of glass windows, picking away up to their second knuckle, while singing to the latest one-hit-hip-hop-wonder-boy song. Yo' not so cool, all laid back in that pimped ride, with yo' off-color ball cap crook'd on yo' bean, and a digit up yo' nostril, cuz! Yo' digg'n fo' bling, or wha?
Okay, back to reality. We all get them, and we all have to get rid of them. You see co-workers digging away on the line and hope they don't leave the a present for you on the next tool. In offices, you see that stray little clump on a control panel for the copier and wonder how it got there, who's it is, and should you call CSI? In the bathroom, well, need I even mention the walls and what gets left behind there? Yeck!
As parents, we often have to get rid of them for the little ones, also. There just is nothing like a toddler running up to you with a long trail of gooey snot trailing from his nose to his pacifier, yelling that his nose is running. Duh, like I can see that! Of course, then they bury their little faces in your thigh, wiping away the evidence, and off they go on their merry, care-free way, while you are left with a snail-trail on your jeans. Anyone out there been there? And how about that child that wakes in the middle of the night screaming. You find out it is due to boogers in their nose and they want them out, NOW! So you spend the next half hour picking their nostrils with q-tips, sucking snot with the bulb, then presto! They drop off to sleep instantly, and you can not.
My friends, the booger is here to stay, I am sad to inform you. I do not see the Government spending any money (your taxes that is) on this problem. I do not see Phiser or Lilly going for the gold, so to speak. No, it is all up to you to keep those nostrils clean.
Good bye, and Good Luck.

We The People

Friends! Americans! Galacticans! Lend me your eyes!

Today, I am going to give everyone out there in my favorite Universe a quick reminder of their favorite government classes. Since it would seem that just about everyone of you, from our top Government elected officials, to Rush Limbaugh and Hillary Clinton, to the megalomaniac media, to the lowly ultra-liberal professors of Governmental Science at Berkley have forgotten exactly what the 1st Amendment of the Constitution of the Great United States of America actually says, I am going to spell it out for you, and break it down for you, today.

AMENDMENT I
"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise therof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or of the people to peaceably to assemble and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

Now, to begin breaking this down, I do not see anywhere "The separation of the Church from the State" anyplace in this amendment, do you? The first portion; "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion," is pretty self-explanitory. It means that the Government of this Nation cannot dictate a national religion. "In God We Trust" on our cash does not dictate a religion. A nativity scene on a court house lawn does not dictate a religion. "So help me God" in our Pledge of Allegience does not dictate a religion. It also means that the nation cannot stop those wanting to establish there own basis of worship, whatever that may be, to do so. All religions are welcome, and equal, here
The second portion of this first statement; "or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;" is also self-explanitory. Now issues do arise when public schools or offices do not allow for members of certain faiths to exercise their duties during school or work hours. This is a grievance in my book. Any school that bans the wearing of any religious emblem whatsoever is in violation of this Amendment if they are a public school. Any business that inhibits a person's right to worship at work, while at lunch or on break, should be fined, audited, or closed down. I won't have it, and neither should you, my friends.
Next, the third, and most important portion; "or abridging the freedom of speech". The people of America have to know that this does not include, though some think it does, the freedom of expression. Speech is what you say, or if unable to speek, write or sign. It does not mean whipping your boobs out to express your feminine rights, or tossing red paint on fur coats to protect non-existant animal rights. Displaying gay-porn paintings in a public square is not free speech, nor is drawing racial epitaphs on church doors. There is no such thing as freedom of expression anywhere in the Constitution, reguardless of what any Judge anywhere in the country has ever said from any bench. Look it up. End of story.
Next, let us tackle the most miss-used portion; "the freedom of the press;" Where to begin? For starters, I do not see it written anywhere "freedom from responsibility", do you? I guess they can write whatever they want, but they had better get it right, otherwise they they are no longer the press, but fiction writers. Fiction writers are normal citizens without "freedom of the press" privledges and subject to prosecution, right? Also, according to Section 3 of Article III of the Constitution of the Great United States of America, "Treason against the United States, shall consist only in levying War against it, or in adhering to their Enemies, giving them Aid and Comfort..." Remember, exposing a covert Government operation active against the enemy, to the enemy, in time of war, is an act of Treason. Exposing the eavesdropping of Al-Quieda telephone calls and e-mail traffic to the public is an act of Treason that should have been investigated and prosecuted. They are very lucky to still be free men and women. Too bad Congress did not run with this. It might have taught then all a lesson in responsibility.
Our next portion is; "the right of the people peaceably to assemble," which is also very self explanitory. As long as the peace is maintained, nobody has much of a problem with this one. It only becomes a problem when the police get involved, and then no matter who is at fault, those who Serve and Protect always end up sued.
Last is; "to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." Although it is there, I doubt it is often used, or approved for use, since you can petition all you want. Whether they accept it and actually give you a soapbox to address them from is another matter altogether. Well, my friends, that is my own soapbox speach for the day. A little for you to mull over, and maybe you, too, will pick up a copy of the Constitution and find out just how much the Government, the Media, and Everyone Else has been pulling over your eyes. Or you can just check back here with me, the Center of the Universe, from time to time, to see what else I can dig up and throw out there into the great void that is our Home.
Until next time, my minions, take care and live free.

The Red Embers of Death

Greetings!

I wish to bring to your attention today a problem that exists within our community. This problem seems to go unnoticed by our local constablitory. This problem is all but a plague that has been with us for nearly a hundred years. Many have warned of the consequences of ignoring this problem, and yet none have lifted so much as a finger to stop its spread. My fellow Galactic Citizens, this problem is nothing but teen-aged smoking!

Yes, yes, I know. It's been going on for years, hasn't it. There has been studies and lawsuits and blah blah blah. There are laws preventing the sale of tobacco to persons under the age of 18 throughout the country. There are laws preventing persons under the age of 18 to purchase tobacco throughout the county. Does it not follow that it is illegal for persons under the age of 18 to possess tobacco? Does it not follow that it is illegal for persons under the age of 18 to consume tobacco? These teens, and pre-teens, are getting there cigarettes from somewhere. If they are not buying them, then they are either stealing them, or being given them. In either case, another crime is being commited.

Every morning I witness school-aged children waiting for their busses while sucking down their morning cigarette poisons, the glowing embers red in the cold darkness. Once the weekend arrives, the restaurant and mall parking lots are dotted with teens hanging out, trying to look so cool while puffing away at their Marlboro's and GPC's, before heading inside to catch a movie. Inside many of the restaurants, these teens blatantly sit in the smoking areas, cigarettes in hand, as if untouchable by any law.

Now, I understand that most of our police forces have many other things occupying there time on the job, and enforcing laws over non-violent, non-destructive crimes does not rate very high on their list. As a citizen, and father, I want the law upheld. I demand that the law be upheld. Any person under the age of 18 using or in possession of tobacco products is in violation of the law and sould be arrested and prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Parents would have to come bail their children out of jail for smoking, and would hopefully take an active role in punishing the child within the family circle, as should be done in the first place. Maybe this would help deter teens from becoming life-long users of tobacco, and eventually dying agonizing, costly deaths under the choking claws of tobacco.

We could always prosecute the parents, but that would not stop the spread of the addiction. We could forbid the sale of the product all together, but the states rely so much on the taxes generated from the sale of tobacco that they would never ban its sale altogether. Lawmakers want teens to get addicted. They are the future consumers of the product that generates the taxes that pay for their Lexus' and private schools and gated community homes and trips to the Bahamas. No matter what they say at election time to get your vote. Make them live up to their promises. Make them earn that money we give them.

Think well about it, my fellows, and do the right thing with your children, for your children's future.

Fare ye well.

My Triumphant Return!

Greetings, My Minions! I trust you have fared well in my absence? Before I offer my opinionated view from the great red leather recliner at the Center of the Universe of what has been happening around us in my absence, I feel I must offer an explanation for my absence.

Back towards the end of the year, I had an accident that resulted in a concussion. After a long period of diagnosis following the wrong path, it was determined that this episode was the result of a seizure that caused me to drop and slam my head to the floor. Since, I have had numerous periods of lost time and I've passed out at least three times. I have had to leave my work and have been all but confined to my home, thus becoming, in my words, worthless. Of course, nobody seems to agree with me. My friends and co-workers have sent well-wishes, and some have even come to visit. Evidently I'm missed at work. I wish I was there instead of pacing back and forth through my house, or doing dishes. For the past three months or so I've labored around the house, trying to stay busy with housework. I have read nearly a dozen books. I listen to Bob and Tom for laughs, Rush and Sean for politics, Jim and JMV for sports. I watch the History Channel to learn history, duh.

But I have neglected my job as The Center of the Universe.

The All Mighty has had others take this role in my absence, I'm sure. That dumbass running Iran, for instance, seems to think he's the center of the universe, although I don't think so. And although Rush, Hillary, Ted, et.al. think they have the right to the title, I'm sorry but they are not it. I am. I was given this position and I plan to stand up and fulfill my God given duty to tell it as I see it and let you all know how I feel about it. And there just isn't anything anyone out there can do about it.

If you don't like it, pray to God and ask Him to replace me.

Until then, suck it up and get used to it!

I'm the Center of the Universe, and I'm back!

Over the next few weeks I will be giving my views on a wide variety of subjects, from teen-agers and how we might better control them, to the southern boarder of the great United States and what to do about the un-declared war going on there. I will also touch on Lucky Charms, Tony the Tiger, Spongebob and their pals verses parents who can't say no; which will be more important four years from now: nukes in the hands of Iran or shotguns in the hands of VP's; and the great debate about who's side God on anyway?

So until my next installment, my fellows, I bid you farewell.