Blame Bush

Hail, my patrons! Salutations, one and all!
For the past six-plus years, the loonie lefties, the dastardly democraps, and foul-mouthed foolish foreigners, have pointed their collective crooked, corrupt, and cowardly fingers at the President of the Great United States of America. Each and every thing that has happened in the world since January, 2001, has been blamed on him by these wicked wretches. Here, as the Center of the Universe, I have an unique view upon these self-glorifying gobbledygookers and their most pompous private pontifications. Let us have a look at what "they" blame "him" for, shall we?
* Gasoline prices top $3.00 per gallon across the nation.
"It's that Texas Tycoon, Bush's fault!"
* 200,000+ people killed in the Darfur region of the Sudan by their own government and rebel warlords.
"It's the President's fault!"
* Toyota joined the Nextel Cup Series with the U.S.-built Camry.
"Damn the Bush Administration!"
* Al Gore wins an Oscar for his version of the children's story, "The Sky is Falling!"
"Must have been rigged by Bush!"
* French-Muslim youths riot throughout France.
"Bush had to have had a hand in it!"
* Marco Andretti continued the "Andretti Curse" at the Indy 500 by being passed just a hundred yards from the finish line.
"The President must have told him to slow down!"
* Chechan rebels seized a school in Beslan, Russia, and killed 331 teachers and children.
"We're sure Bush put them up to it!"
* Sago coal mine explosion killed 12 men in West Virginia.
"It was the President' fault they died!"
* Hurricane Katrina slammed the Gulf Coast and nearly washed New Orleans off the face of the Earth.
"The President bombed the levees!"
* Kentucky Derby winner Barbaro broke an ankle and was eventually put-down.
"Bush lost money on the horse and got his revenge!"
* Steve Bartman interfered with a foul ball, upholding the Cubs' curse.
"George is an American League guy!"
* Space Shuttle Columbia exploded on reentry, killing all aboard.
"The President wanted to blame it on Iraq!"
* 32 students and teachers murdered at Virginia Tech by deranged student.
"Bush wanted the media attention shifted off of his poll numbers!"
* Team USA lost badly in the Summer Olympic basketball tournament.
"George didn't want the thugs to get too popular!"
* Dixie Chick record and ticket sales plummeted.
"President Bush is a Toby Keith fan!"
* Red Sox win World Series.
"Again, George is an American League fan!"
* Mike Wallace fired at CBSNews.
"Bush's fault!"
* A blond Daniel Craig is hired as the new James Bond.
"The President's daughters are blond, so should the British agent be!"
* The World Trade Center is destroyed by hijacked jet-liners.
"He was the President, so he had to know all about it!"
* 125,000+ people killed by tsunamis across the Indian Ocean after Christmas Day sub-sea earthquakes in 2004.
"Bush did it!"
* 191 killed in bombings on Madrid trains.
"It had to be George's fault!"
* Pope John Paul II died.
"George did it!"
* Sears and Kmart merge.
"Bush is a WalMart kind of shopper!"
* The great blackout of 2003 left the New England, Michigan, and Canada dark.
"Easier for George to pull a fast one!"
* 20,000 people die in European heat-wave of 2003.
"The President's fault!"
* Snipers kill 13 across Washington, DC, area.
"They must have been on the President's payroll!"
* The West Nile virus outbreak kills hundreds across the mid-west.
"You know Bush had Off on at all times!"
* Michelin pulls out of 2005 United States Grand Prix, leaving only six cars to race.
"George Bush is obviously a Ferrari fan!"
* ENRON goes under.
"Bush's fault all the way!"
* Michael Jackson is acquitted of child molestation.
"Just like the Prince of Pop, Bush can "Beat It!"!"

* Toyota Motor Company is now the #1 car company in the US.

"100% the President's fault!"
Well, friends, that was just a sampling of the many hundreds of events the critics of our Honorable President blame on him. No matter how hard any of them try, however, they cannot prove a damned thing. Of course, to them that just means "He's covering something up! Let's find out what and hang him!"
In two short years someone else will be President of the Great United States. I only hope that if a Loonie-Lefty-Democrappy get elected, then he (or she) gets treated the same way. All is fair in love, war, and politics. At least in this country you cannot be executed for pointing your finger and saying scandalous things about our leaders!
Or can we...?

32

My dear fellow travellers, it has happened once again.
Cho Seung-Hui bought a pair of guns and ammunition, and made himself famous.
32.
32 innocent men, women, and students were executed by a madman on the campus of Virginia Tech, in Blacksburg, Virginia. There was no reason for it at all, except for the twisted thoughts within the head of a sick lunatic. He is to blame for this massacre, and no one else.
It did not take long, however, for the Dumb-Asses to start pointing fingers. Everyone is to blame, according to these self-righteous fools, from the gun dealer who did everything the law directs within the Commonwealth of Virginia, to President Bush himself. Go figure. He is to blame for everything, isn't he?
I can tell you one thing for certain. There was not one single gun within Nelson Hall that was not brought in by Cho. Why? Virginia Tech is a gun-free zone. Cho knew this, and he knew that no one would be able to stand in his way once he got going.
Face it America. Gun-free Zones are little more than Free-fire Zones for those who wish to cause death and destruction. They are shooting galleries just waiting for some twisted lunatic who thinks he deserves to be recognised to step up and begin gunning down every man, woman, and child he can, until he takes his own life, or is taken out by someone else with a gun. I can tell you with certainty that this year will not go by without another, copy-cat attack on a school, a hospital, a government center, or some other "gun-free zone". Mark my words. The bad guys know this, and they know the vast majority of Americans are defenceless.
So are our children. School teachers the nation over are unable, or unwilling, to arm themselves to protect our children. That is a DAMNED CRIME unto itself! There should be laws in place right now! Damn the Politicians who oppose this, or any measure that would protect our children. Damn them all!
If only one member of the faculty within Nelson Hall had had a licenced hand-gun within their possession Tuesday morning, LIVES WOULD HAVE BEEN SAVED! How can anyone deny this simple fact? One gun in the hands of a trained professor would have been all it took to stop Cho in his tracks. I hope that whoever thought up this B-S idea of "gun-free zones" never gets a peacful night of sleep again!
The all-mighty liberals of America want nothing more than to twist this outrage into their own political tool. The grieving had barely begun before the Democratic Presidential Hopefuls were making their opinions known. Not a one of them blamed this piece of crap Cho for the murders. They all pointed to "lax gun laws" as the culprit, or "poor counselling procedures", as well as mentioning the President as "uncaring" about civilian safety in his opinions on gun control. Watch the news over the next weeks and listen to the twisting and spinning of the facts these men and women do to try and convince you that your American Right to Self-Defence is the reason behind gun crimes and murders. They will never point a finger at the criminals themselves. It's not the criminal's fault, they will have you believe. No, it is society it self's fault. It's your fault, America. You are to blame for getting yourself and your family murdered. At least that is what the liberal loonies want you to believe.
Let me remind you of an incident in 1991. George Hennard drove his truck through the wall of a restaurant in Killeen, Texas and massacred 22 men, women, and children. Why? Who gives a rat's ass! Had just one person in that restaurant had a gun, and there were soldiers from nearby Ft. Hood there at the time, this Texas Turn-bag would have been taken out with minimal lose of life. As it turned out, under then Texas law that would have been illegal. Hennard knew the chances of someone taking him out were slim-to-none. Just as Cho knew Tuesday morning. Slim-to-none.
And was it not just a few weeks ago that Sulejman Talovic went on his own shooting spree within the mall in Salt Lake City? Had it not been for an armed off-duty cop, how many more innocent men, women, and children would have been massacred?
The facts are clear, America. If you want to live, arm yourself. If you want to be herded against a wall and executed like sheep, then don't. It is a free country, after all. It's your choice. Live or Die.
All it would have taken was one gun in the hands of a faculty member, and dozens would be alive today, instead of waiting in the morgue to be identified.
May God have mercy on their innocent souls.
Burn in Hell, Cho! Burn in Hell!

I Scream-U Scream-WeScream!

Welcome back, my disciples. From the everlasting tune sung by children the world over (in their own languages of course), "I scream, you scream, we all scream for ICE CREAM!!!", we have once again entered into the season of ice cream. As the annual effects of Global Warming raise the temperatures of the Northern Hemisphere, ice cream shops from Anchorage, Alaska, to Zinalrothorn, Switzerland are opening up for business to sell their icy cool treats.
We all have memories of chasing the ice cream trucks through the neighborhood as its mind-numbing, ever-repeating tunes echo between the homes, pulling us on like the Pied Piper's flute to spend mom and dad's hard earned dollars for an over-priced Popsicle, ice cream sandwich, or frosty malted. Then the ensuing race to eat it all up before the heat of the day robbed us of that final cool mouthful, leaving us sticky from fists to forehead. Aahhh, good times.
As we've all grown older, our tastes for the cool creamy delights has grown, also. We all have our favorite flavors of ice cream. Some have more favorites than others. For many of us, the old standards of Vanilla, Chocolate, and Strawberry, just do not do it for us any more.
Not surprisingly topping the list of "non-traditional" flavors is Butter Pecan. At work, it was picked most as a favorite. It is also my mother's favorite. Go figure. It also slides in third nationally, behind Vanilla and Chocolate, and just ahead of Strawberry, in popularity. Other top flavors include Neapolitan, Chocolate Chip, French Vanilla, Cookies & Cream, Fudge Ripple, and Praline. I was surprised to find that Rocky Road and Cookie Dough didn't top the list, nor did they show up on any of the poles I took.
Among some of the favorites of co-workers, friends, and family, Moose Tracks and Mint Chocolate Chip topped the list. More specialized flavors, such as Blue Moon (my personal favorite), Mayan Chocolate, Black Walnut, Cherry Vanilla (my late father's favorite), Rum Raisin, and Coffee getting one-off votes.
I sat back and took a look around our Big Blue Marble and found a few interesting facts. Did you know that "What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?" is the most common question asked when two people first start dating? Ice cream is the most popular desert the world over, by far, and Vanilla is by far and away the most popular flavor, at 29%!
Here is a little something I came across: Astrological dictates of ice cream preferences!
Aries - Chocolate Mousse Royale is your passion.
Taurus - Amaretto Chocolate
Gemini - Chocolate Chip
Cancer - Dulce de Leche
Leo - Bailey's Irish Ice Cream (go figure! I should have guessed!)
Virgo - Butter Pecan
Libra - Black Raspberry Chip
Scorpio - Mocha Almond Fudge
Sagittarius - Super Fudge Chunk
Capricorn - Strawberries & Cream
Aquarius - Cherry Garcia
Take it as you wish, if you are into that sort of thing, but you never know. Maybe good fortune, fate, or whatever blesses those who treat themselves by the dictates of their stars.
Did you know that Dr. McCoy, Mr. Spock, and Cpt. Kirk all had their favorites of ice cream? McCoy's was Mint Julep Swirl, Spock "enjoyed" Pistachio, and Kirk went for Double Saurian Brandy Cream. At least that is what I heard.
We all get excited when the temperatures climb and thoughts of cold scoops of our favorites begin bouncing through our heads. Be they atop a waffle cone or in a cup, plain or smothered with fudge, caramel, nuts and chopped fruits, or floating in soda pop, we love stopping in for that soul-cooling, throat-freezing dairy treat at the local mom-and-pop ice cream shop. We never fail to dive down the frozen foods aisle and snatch a frosty box, tub, or cup of ice cream, even when we know we really shouldn't.
And just think, minions of mine, should Al Gore and his Enviro-Nazis be right about all this "Global Warming" hubabaloonacy, we will just have that much more reason to eat as much ice cream as the great cows of the world can produce! The Dairy Queen, Ben & Jerry, and Hagen-Daas are grinning and wringing their hands at the prospect, of that I can assure you.
I almost can't wait myself!!
Until next time, dear travellers, have a scoop of cool love and chilly joy on me, no matter the flavor you lust for!!!
(Hey, could someone send a quart of Bailey's Irish Ice Cream my way? Thanx!)

Just Six Hours Left

From the Great Green Recliner, deep in the Heart of the Vast Void that fills the night skies all over, this is your Almost-Almighty Friend, aka The Center of the Universe, bidding all of you, my Minions, GREETINGS!
This past week, I posed a scenario of the Final Hours of our existence on the Big Blue Marble to many of my co-workers. I gathered up a variety of answers to the questions posed and will now attempt to analyse them here, if you don't mind.
The Scenario:
The Earth has just been hit by a mega-pulse of solar radiation, courtesy of our local star, Sol. The result left our atmosphere nearly depleted of ozone and anyone venturing out is struck down by solar radiation within minutes. We are now confined to our homes for the duration, which according to the world's elite scientists (the same ones pitching Global Warming curve-balls by the way) warn that a second, much more powerful burst of radiation will wash across the Earth within six hours, leaving every living thing on the face of the planet obliterated.
The Questions:
What do you eat as a final meal, drink as a final beverage, watch as a final movie, and with whom that you've always wanted to spend time with do you spend your last six hours with?
Well, I have to say the answers I received were in some ways almost predictable, and in others surprised me greatly. But first, I'll throw my answers to these questions out for your entertainment.
What would I eat? A 20oz. Fort Worth Rib eye steak, with baked potatoes, fresh vegetables, a bloomin' onion, and a bowl of strawberries and sliced bananas.
What would I drink? I'd have an Irish Red beer, either Smithwick's or Killian's, on draft, very cold.
What would I watch? Although it's not exactly my favorite movie of all time, I'd watch "Gladiator". It's the ending, you know. It really gets to me.
And with Whom would I spend it? Although this was easy for me as first, picking Angelina Jolie, (as nearly everyone knew I would) I'd also like to have Bono there. The conversations would be entertaining up until that final, flesh-melting wave. I'd love to spend my final moments with the two people I admire most in the world. And of course my boys would be playing with Angie's kids. I'm sure Brad would be off with someone else.
Now, onto the data I acquired.
Without getting personal, I found that companionship varied widely. Men, for the most part, went for the "hotty chicks", such as Charlize Theron, Kelly Pickler, Danica Patrick, and Carmen Electra. Carnal desires unleashed? I'd say so. "Hot-guys" like Orlando Bloom and Nicolas Cage made the list from the women. Interestingly, nearly half the women wanted to spend those final six hours alone. That high percentage was quite surprising to me. Few I asked wanted to spend it exclusively with family, sighting that they might end up with a relative or in-law that they cannot stand and end up bickering until the last radioactive insult is breathed. A few wanted to spend it with lost friends or lovers, while others with lost relatives. One who was asked said he'd like to spend the six hours playing basketball one-on-one with Michael Jordan, and another said she'd like to have a famous (unnamed) French chef join her to cook her last meal.
On the final meal lists, sea foods topped the list. Shrimp, crab legs, lobster tail, even swordfish steaks. Fillet Mi non, rib eyes and porterhouse steaks, with the usual fixin's were next. Still others liked plates of Buffalo wings, a tenderloin sandwich, Thai food, or pizza to satisfy that final belly craving. Diets didn't always go out the window, either! That was a surprise.
The drinks were heavy on the alcohol side, as was expected. Beers did not top the list as I expected, and were nearly always exotics, imports, or microbrews. Whiskey, bourbon, and vodka topped the list, either straight or mixed. Other drinks included iced tea, hot chocolate, and even water. Surprisingly, sodas didn't register at all!
As for the movies, well, many felt they would rather not watch anything if the world was about to end, but for the most part, younger men went for comedies, older men went for wilderness/western adventures, and women went for romantic comedies, although one girl went for "The Matrix". Hummm? Veering away from movies, concert videos, like Dave Mathews and Pink Floyd, also made the list. Maybe music to soothe the soul is a better way to go than mindless movies, eh? I guess I could listen to my collection of U2, Celtic Rock, and other Irish artists while laying on the couch, digesting the steak and knocking back an eleventh Killian's while awaiting the end. I think more than a few would go for this route, wouldn't you?
Well, not that any of this stuff matters in the greater scheme of things. It was little more than a way to pass a couple of boring days at the end of the work week, while getting to know a little more about my co-workers. I thank them, and everyone else, who participated in my little pole. Now, if any of you out there in the blogosphere would like to join in, just send me a comment. I would appreciate it.
Until next time, my dear fellows, good night and Godspeed!