Phile This, Minions

Greetings, my minions. And how are all of you on this fine Autumn day?
From my position here at the Center of the Universe, I notice that oh so many of you out there have problems. All of these issues we have in our daily lives have been given names by the psycho-analysts of history, all in an effort to explain away the mind's nuances. They, in conjunction with the phamacutical industry, have developed drugs, many of which may in fact be useless, and all cost us and our government many millions each year. All in an effort to promote "mental well-being". Yeah, right.
Although I could go on and on about the phobias, or fears, we Galactic travelers are diagnosed with day in and day out, but instead I think at this time I'll go after our philias.
The great Encyclopedia Universalis defines "Philia" as "...denoting an abnormal fondness, undue inclination, or love for a specified act, object, or idea."
Every last one of use has a few "philias" in our lives. These make us who we are as individuals. Still, I've noticed that every little act in our lives has been given a psychological name, or title, by the M.D.ingalings. Let me list a few for your amusement, and see just how many you may unknowingly have, and very well may need treatment for!
ACOUSTICOPHILIA: arousal by sounds; ie. music, songs, poetry, foreign languages, panting, moaning, groaning, heavy breathing, etc.
AGALMATOPHILIA: arousal by statues or mannequins
AGREXOPHILIA: arousal by knowing that others know of, can see, or can hear their love-making
ANDROMIMETOPHILIA: arousal by females who dress and/or act like men
CHOREOPHILIA: arousal from dancing
COPROPHILIA: arousal from the act, or witnessing the of, defication
DENDROPHILIA: arousal by trees
DORAPHILIA: arousal by touching natural fabrics; ie. skin, leather, hair, fur, etc.
EMETOPHILIA: arousal by vomiting or from vomit
GERONTOPHILIA: arousal by significantly older persons
GYNOMIMETOPHILIA: arousal by men who dress and/or act like females
HARMATOPHILIA: arousal from breaking rules
HEBEPHILIA: arousal by teen-agers
HIEROPHILIA: arousal by sacred objects
HYBRISTOPHILIA: arousal by violent criminals
KLISMAPHILIA: arousal from receiving enemas
LACTAPHILIA: arousal from lactating breasts
MAIEUSIOPHILIA: arousal by pregnant women
MYSOPHILIA: arousal by smelling soiled undergarments
NASOPHILIA: arousal from noses
NECROPHILIA: arousal by corpses
NORMOPHILIA: being in sexual conformity with authority
OCULOPHILIA: arousal from eyes
ODONTOPHILIA: arousal from teeth
PECATTIPHILIA: arousal from sinning
PEDIOPHILIA: arousal by dolls
PEDOPHILIA: arousal by adults to children
PODOPHILIA: arousal from feet
PYGOPHILIA: arousal from buttocks
SALIROPHILIA: arousal by tasting salt and salty fluids
SCOPOPHILIA: arousal from watching others have sex; ie. voyeurism
SITOPHILIA: arousal from food used during sex
SPECTROPHILIA: arousal by ghosts, spirits, angels, etc.
STIGMATOPHILIA: arousal by tattoos, body piercings, or body mutilations
TIMOPHILIA: arousal by wealth or status
TRICHOPHILIA: arousal by bodily hair
UROPHILIA: arousal by urine
XENOPHILIA: arousal from strangers or meeting new persons
ZOOPHILIA: arousal by animals
And these, my friends, are but a few of the hundreds I could name! We all could name dozens of common phobias, and each has a corresponding philia. Arachnophobia, for example, is opposed by Arachnophilia, which is the arousal by having spiders crawling across your naked body! Claustrophobia is opposed by Claustrophilia, the arousal from being confined in small compartments. If you are attracted to the way your mate wears nice clothes, it's because you are an Endytophiliac. If you love the feel of satin sheets under your naked body, or cotton towels around you, or even the tightness of your jeans across you thighs, you may very well be a Hyphephiliac. If telling dirty jokes and stories around the office gets you off, you are a Narratophiliac. And, of course, if you enjoy any form of kinky or bizarre sex practices, you have Paraphilia.
"MY GOD, PEOPLE!!! GET HELP!!!"
No, don't.
Face it, we all have one, or many, of these philias, to one extent or another, and unless we let Dr. Quack, M.D., convince us that we cannot go on with our lives without drugs, we do not have anything to worry about. All of these philias are just the idio-pandoras that make each and every one of us the individuals that we are. What fun would life be if we did not have the strange, the weird, or the absolutely vulgar stories of our warped lives to tell each other? Look around, each and every day, and realize that every face in the crowd is hiding just as many unrefined lusts and desires that your own is hiding from them. Have fun with it, and live the precious few galactic minutes of your life with levity, playfulness, and all the mirth you can muster up!
Meanwhile, do a little research on your own. Self-analysis can't hurt, can it?
And remember to Galactic Creedo: Do whatever you want, just don't hurt anyone doing it!
From the Great Green Recliner, I bid you all good mental health!