Mello Yello Fellos

Hello there, Minions! My monoblogue for this evening is going to upset some of you puritanical parents out there. But that's part of my job as the Center of the Universe, you know, to stir the pot from time to time.
Today in these Great United States we have a budding problem with our youth, primarily those in the middle and high school grades. For some reason those youths who feel wronged by their classmates or faculty have decided that "Grand Standing" violence is the way to right these wrongs. Teens are banding together, gathering weapons, out-lining their plans, then carrying out their assaults upon their unarmed prey within our public schools. The audacity of these attacks are incomprehensible to those of us who grew up with fist-fights as an honorable means of settling our school-yard problems with others. Today's youth has no honor, just pure violence, and there are dozens of sources that feed them.
We can blame violent TV and movies, videos games and songs, but I think the true source of all of this teen-crap is very simply our national anti-drug campaign. Now, before all of you veg-out, give me a chance to make a few points.
Back in the '60's and '70's and '80's, we had "Monty Python's Flying Circus", "Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention", "Saturday Night Live"(the original cast), "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" novels, "The Dr. Demento Radio Show", "Cheech and Chong", among other insanity to absorb that was anti-parent.
And we had Marijuana!
We had fun and relaxed. We took care of our confrontations with fists, rocks, sticks, etc. Permanent harm was not the point. We wanted to send a message but keep adults out of our business. Very few ran home to Mommy, let alone the Cops, after a fight. It just wasn't done.
Mary Jane was abundant and soothing. The teens of the Seventies and Eighties that had issues with others were apt to be the ones who turned to the Ganja for relief from their daily troubles. And if anything, Hemp will mello a fello out! And a mello fello is not a violent fello.
Since the First Lady of the Eighties said "Just Say No!" to the youth of these Great United States, the school violence has been on the rise. Kids have turned away from the Roach-clip and turned to the ammo-clip. Kids that would have gathered in a basement for a "Trip Down Mary Jane Lane" are now plotting together assaults that the U.S. Rangers and S.W.A.T. teams would emulate. Ridoline is not the answer, since it is legal and adult prescribed. Marijuana on the other hand gives the kids that sense of power over their parents and faculty that they otherwise would grab a gun for.
I have never been an active user of the Weed, but I do know some that have been and still are. These examples plainly back up my theory. They are mello fellos, indeed. Maybe, just maybe, if a little less pressure was put upon the youth of today to live up to impossible standards, and a little relaxation of the Marijuana laws was allowed, then our country would begin to see a decline in school violence. Besides, Marijuana is the least of our national worries in this day and age, don't you think?
Of course, we could always place a couple S.W.A.T. guys within every school to blow away any and all kids that think gunslinging is the answer to bullying. A teen in a trench coat walks into a lunch room, pulls out a shotgun and blows away the girl that laughed at his request for a date. Two HK9's open up and cut the boy to ribbons. Problem solved. Let's just get hard with these little punks. Kick them out of public school for ever, for the safety of others. A week in juvenile hall for every bullying offence. Adult jail time for any that bring weapons to school, period. Adult jail time for conspiracy to commit mass murder within a school, with a minimum of twenty-five years. No juvenile detention. No home detention. No parole. Just get the punks off of the streets and into the trash-bin of society.
Either way, kids who venture down either road have already become all but worthless to the greater good of humanity. I'd rather them doped up and chowing down on chips and salsa than running down the halls of our schools shooting other kids they feel wronged them. How smart can they be if they advertise their plans on MySpace anyway? They think they are so smart and untouchable, able to get away with anything because they are just kids. Think again, twirps! Live by the gun; die by the gun.
My friends, guns only kill when in the hands of killers. Lock them up if you have them, especially if your kid is stepping down that road to destruction. Be responsible and be a part of your kid's life.
Take care, America.