Oh! Holy Socks!

Hi There! How ya'all doing today? Your old buddy, the Center of the Universe here. Got a question for you. Does anyone out there wonder why it is that we humans can make a space suit that will keep us alive where there is no air, no heat, and tons of radiation; make body armor that bullets bounce off of; make fire-proof suits for fire-fighters and race-car drivers; make thermal underwear that keeps us warm on both poles as well as atop our highest mountains; make denim jeans that kids have to take knives to to get the right look in because even a raging bull cannot damage; and yet nobody can seem to make a pair of socks that will not end up with a hole in the toe, or heel, or both, a few months after you buy them? Why is that? Come-On! With all of today's modern technology, the microchips, the internet, the Tree-Huggers, you would think somebody somewhere would have come up with a sock material that would last for a long time and be comfortable. Now there is a million-dollar idea. Get that out there and you'll be set for life. Set it up in some dying Mid-West town and hire everybody that wants to work. The internet may someday go away, and I-pods are just a fad, but socks are here to stay, my brother! I do not know how many times I have gone to my sock drawer and pulled out a pair of socks, only to find that one of the pair has a hole in the toe. Not just a little hole, but a huge hole. I tell the wife, "Don't put these holey socks away, throw them away," and yet, I still find them every day. In fact, today I have to go to my local Wal-Mart to buy socks.
(No, there's not a Wal-Mart up here at the Center of the Universe! I don't live here, I just observe and comment from here!)
I'm not saying we need Kevlar toe and heel inserts, but a little research and development by Hanes would go a long way.
Now, for the next point I wish to make today, I bring up the "Tighty-Whitey", and white underwear in general. I, for one, would like to see all white underwear banned from sale, importation, and production all together. Whoever thought it such a great idea to begin with, I don't know. Brown would have been such a natural choice, wouldn't you think. Come-On! What is the point with white underwear? Great Caesar's Ghost! What are they thinking by continuing to produce it? And who still buys this stuff? Is the potential for picketting grandmas so great if Fruit-of-the-Loom and Hanes stops making white undies that they must continue? Are the lobbiests from Tide and Clorox greasing all the right palms to keep white panties on the shelves and in your drawers? It is time we give the rainbow of colors, including brown and black, a fair shake. Let them into your drawers, my friends. I'm sure you, too, will see a much better way of life when doing your, and your family's, laundery.
Face it, my minions, the only people that look good in white underwear are tanned female supermodels. Anybody disagree? I didn't think so! See ya'all later!