It's All About Me
Hello, my subjects! Over the last year or so, I have served as the Center of the Universe. Many have found this as claim as vain or bravado, but I have seen it as an epiphany. I did not just wake up one morning and say "I want to be the Center of the Universe". No, my friends, I came to the sudden realization one afternoon at work that I WAS the Center of the Universe. That I had been, in fact, appointed as the Center of the Universe by the All Mighty Himself, to replace the previous holder of the position.
Before I get to far into why I was chosen, let me explain what exactly what BEING the Center of the Universe is. For those of you out there who aren't quite sure, this job has absolutely nothing to do with clairvoyance, clairaudiance, premonitions, etc. God does not give you any powers what-so-ever that you do not already have. It is not that kind of job. The Center of the Universe simply is being the Center of the Universe. Everything revolves around ME. I observe, I comment, and I occasional stir the pot. I look around and see everything and voice my opinion on it. If I don't see it, it does not exist. If I don't care about it, it isn't important enough to worry about in my Universe, so it isn't worthy of my opinion. If you are unknown to me, you are unknown to the Universe, so be it. Face it, bub, you are worthless! I sit here at the Center of the Universe (getting paid nothing by the way as there are no perks other than the title and hanging out with some of the biggest names in the History of Humanity) in my very comfy Great Green Recliner, observing the entire Universe on the Vast Wide Screen HDTV, and taking notes for my next commentary or looking up points of fact in the Encyclopedia Universalis. I rather enjoy this job He entrusted me with.
Now to explain why I was chosen. Recently, while knocking back a few pints of Stout with St.Patrick, St.Peter, and Mick Collins at the "Emerald Harp" up here, I asked St.Peter how a mere mortal such as myself comes to be chosen for such a position as the Center of the Universe. He turned the tables on me, as one of his stature is apt to do, and asked me to describe myself. I did.
I am of middle age, with many experiences and travels to my credit. I have fought in a war for the Great United States, serving 14 years for the government with much of that time over seas. I have seen Germany, both before and after the fall of the Berlin wall. I have skied the Alps, and repelled from helicopters. I have traveled to Alaska and Spain, France and Saudi Arabia, Canada and Kuwait. I have killed Iraqis and helped Iraqis. I have partied in Paris and fathered two boys. I enjoy reading mysteries, sci-fi, and war novels. I listen to many forms of music, from Classic Rock to the Classics. I love U2 and Bono's antics. Angelina Jolie is my #1 babe. George Clooney, my favorite actor. I believe in a Conservative Government and a Liberal Population. I play trumpet. I listen to Rush Limbaugh when I can. I believe everyone should be able to live as they want, as long as they hurt no one. I believe Freedom is not freedom from responsibility. I believe there is too much government, and too much religion. I believe God created man, and man created religion, and God does not belong to any religion. I love auto racing, especially Indy-Car and Formula One. I enjoy football, women's soccer, and curling. I love watching my boys play with their trains and Monster Trucks. I'm Irish-American through-and-through, and proud of it! I have a dog. I like M&M's and pizza. I enjoy Killian's Irish Red with steak, Bud Ice with sports. I dabble in writing stories. I draw nude women. I collect Irish Teddy Bears. My wife and I screw around whenever we get the mind to. I race go-karts when I get the chance. I'm a decent cook. I've only a high school education. I have an opinion on just about anything you could throw my way if I have heard about it before hand, and if not, then it must not matter in the first place!
And with all these traits, as vast a persona as I am, St.Peter explained that this is exactly the type of mortal the Center of the Universe is supposed to be. I can look at the Universe and see through all the BS that is flung out there by the politicos and spin-doctors and talking-heads and tell it like it is, without trying to get a vote or earn a rating or make a buck. That's me, folks! He simply smiled, downed his Guinness, and bid me Good-Night! He's good! No wonder he's a Saint!
And that is why I am the Center of the Universe and You are not. You people out there, I'm sorry to say, just aren't qualified for the job and could never cut it. Hell, most of you can't cut it in the real world the way it is, so what makes you think you could do this job? Get real! From what I know of the girl I replaced, she was special! I only hope to live up to her work. Then again, I am the Center of the Universe! Obviously, I'm the best out there! So until next time, my minions, Arrivederci!
Before I get to far into why I was chosen, let me explain what exactly what BEING the Center of the Universe is. For those of you out there who aren't quite sure, this job has absolutely nothing to do with clairvoyance, clairaudiance, premonitions, etc. God does not give you any powers what-so-ever that you do not already have. It is not that kind of job. The Center of the Universe simply is being the Center of the Universe. Everything revolves around ME. I observe, I comment, and I occasional stir the pot. I look around and see everything and voice my opinion on it. If I don't see it, it does not exist. If I don't care about it, it isn't important enough to worry about in my Universe, so it isn't worthy of my opinion. If you are unknown to me, you are unknown to the Universe, so be it. Face it, bub, you are worthless! I sit here at the Center of the Universe (getting paid nothing by the way as there are no perks other than the title and hanging out with some of the biggest names in the History of Humanity) in my very comfy Great Green Recliner, observing the entire Universe on the Vast Wide Screen HDTV, and taking notes for my next commentary or looking up points of fact in the Encyclopedia Universalis. I rather enjoy this job He entrusted me with.
Now to explain why I was chosen. Recently, while knocking back a few pints of Stout with St.Patrick, St.Peter, and Mick Collins at the "Emerald Harp" up here, I asked St.Peter how a mere mortal such as myself comes to be chosen for such a position as the Center of the Universe. He turned the tables on me, as one of his stature is apt to do, and asked me to describe myself. I did.
I am of middle age, with many experiences and travels to my credit. I have fought in a war for the Great United States, serving 14 years for the government with much of that time over seas. I have seen Germany, both before and after the fall of the Berlin wall. I have skied the Alps, and repelled from helicopters. I have traveled to Alaska and Spain, France and Saudi Arabia, Canada and Kuwait. I have killed Iraqis and helped Iraqis. I have partied in Paris and fathered two boys. I enjoy reading mysteries, sci-fi, and war novels. I listen to many forms of music, from Classic Rock to the Classics. I love U2 and Bono's antics. Angelina Jolie is my #1 babe. George Clooney, my favorite actor. I believe in a Conservative Government and a Liberal Population. I play trumpet. I listen to Rush Limbaugh when I can. I believe everyone should be able to live as they want, as long as they hurt no one. I believe Freedom is not freedom from responsibility. I believe there is too much government, and too much religion. I believe God created man, and man created religion, and God does not belong to any religion. I love auto racing, especially Indy-Car and Formula One. I enjoy football, women's soccer, and curling. I love watching my boys play with their trains and Monster Trucks. I'm Irish-American through-and-through, and proud of it! I have a dog. I like M&M's and pizza. I enjoy Killian's Irish Red with steak, Bud Ice with sports. I dabble in writing stories. I draw nude women. I collect Irish Teddy Bears. My wife and I screw around whenever we get the mind to. I race go-karts when I get the chance. I'm a decent cook. I've only a high school education. I have an opinion on just about anything you could throw my way if I have heard about it before hand, and if not, then it must not matter in the first place!
And with all these traits, as vast a persona as I am, St.Peter explained that this is exactly the type of mortal the Center of the Universe is supposed to be. I can look at the Universe and see through all the BS that is flung out there by the politicos and spin-doctors and talking-heads and tell it like it is, without trying to get a vote or earn a rating or make a buck. That's me, folks! He simply smiled, downed his Guinness, and bid me Good-Night! He's good! No wonder he's a Saint!
And that is why I am the Center of the Universe and You are not. You people out there, I'm sorry to say, just aren't qualified for the job and could never cut it. Hell, most of you can't cut it in the real world the way it is, so what makes you think you could do this job? Get real! From what I know of the girl I replaced, she was special! I only hope to live up to her work. Then again, I am the Center of the Universe! Obviously, I'm the best out there! So until next time, my minions, Arrivederci!
posted by B.R.Dailey | 4:51 PM
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